If I Fall...: Will You Remember Me? (Angelore Saga Book 3) Read online

  Nibilis’ gaze pierced Nathan’s soul. He had to look away from her lest his tears start to fall freely. He still didn’t feel comfortable enough in their presence to allow his feelings to show; part of his stubborn human nature that remained with him. Too much of his human nature remained with him, he concluded. Nathan felt anger start to burn in his heart. He drew in a deep breath to quench it. He couldn’t allow Nibilis to sense it. He glanced at her quickly, saw her eyes closed and realized it was too late. It was foolish to think he could hide his feelings from these, the Principalities of Enosha. He quickly addressed Yehala.

  “Can I at least see him one more time? I know I can reach him...” Nathan leaned forward, clasping his hands together. “Please?”

  Yehala shifted in his chair, glancing at Nibilis who glanced back. Nathan knew they communicated much in those glances, could communicate with only their eyes and facial expressions – the energy of love strong between them. Yehala and Nibilis had served for a long time together, Nathan had learned early on. They were married in their earthly experience for over 80 years and had achieved a special bonding by God himself to remain together in their roles as servants of the Host. It was an honor to achieve such a status and Nathan felt envy, for he knew Yehala and Nibilis would keep advancing in rank endlessly, for eternity after eternity until they too would bear the mantle of godship, whereas he was alone and probably would be for the rest of his existence. He loved Julia and knew that she loved him too, at least, until she remembered everything. And then that would be the end of it, he was sure. Nathan harbored but a small hope that he could spend the rest of his eternities wrapped in Julia’s love. He struggled to tamp down his thoughts and feelings, glancing to see if Nibilis had picked up on his shifting emotions. Her eyes were lowered, but a slight smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

  Yehala spoke, leaning forward with his forearms on the table and his hands clasped. “I understand your love and concern for your brother. But do you understand what has happened to him?” Yehala’s tone took on a serious note.

  Nathan looked at Yehala carefully and suddenly felt there was something more going on than what he knew. This wasn’t simply a matter of Matthew falling in with False god, he suddenly felt. Nathan shook his head.

  “The Fall of an Angel is a terrible tragedy, Nathan. I’d like to say this is a rare thing, but it isn’t. You can be assured that God mourns the loss of one of his children. We consider every Fall very seriously,” Yehala explained, then paused only a moment before Nibilis picked up. “But what is worse and of more concern, is the Fall of a Mortal.”

  Nathan felt his skin grow cold. “I’m not sure I understand. Matthew’s agency was stolen from him. He didn’t choose to Fall, he was forced. He deserves to be saved.”

  “We’re not talking about Matthew. Although he is, in a way, innocent. His agency wasn’t stolen so much as his ability to progress was taken from him. But during this time of being in limbo, he chose the path of darkness,” Yehala explained gently.

  “Then who is this Fallen Mortal you speak of?” Nathan asked.

  “Quabin,” Niblis answered. “She is mortal and has found a way to avoid death and control the powers of darkness to her bidding. She is not a true False god, so much as a Mortal who has an extraordinary gift of control over others. She has a very strong grip on Matthew. Capture Quabin, and Matthew will be free of her control and then we can discover Matthew’s true intentions.”

  “Quabin is a very powerful and dangerous mortal,” Yehala continued. “Her actions wiped out an entire race of indigenous people. She defied universal law and upset the balance.” Yehala leaned back and drew in a deep breath. Nathan sensed it was hard for Yehala to even speak of the actions of this False One now set lose in Torrey again. Nathan lowered his head. He had no idea the seriousness of Quabin’s crimes. To wipe out an entire race of people? It would have taken a calculated plan of attack and years of planning to corrupt an entire race of people that would ultimately lead to their destruction.

  “The Fremonts,” Nathan muttered, remembering the briefing he had of Torrey and the surrounding areas when he had first accepted the assignment. The Fremonts were a group of Native Americans that had historically vanished without a trace according to the Archeologists that had studied the remnants of their existence.

  Nibilis continued, “The fact that no one was killed in the release of Quabin is a fortunate thing for your brother, or the Host Counsel would not be able to even consider a trial. He would have gone right to Detainment until Judgment Day,” she said softly. Nathan’s gut twisted. Separating Spirit from Body before their God-appointed time was not only stealing from that Spirit, but from God as well. It is a direct crime against God. Nathan shuddered to think how close his brother had come to doing just that right before he was apprehended as Julia lay broken on the rocks below.

  Nathan remembered cradling Julia in his arms, bleeding, broken and on the threshold of death. But some power, perhaps her own will, or the love she felt for him, or for Matthew, kept her grounded in her earthly state. If it hadn’t been for Roy’s son, Raphael, she would have been permanently disabled, but alive. His healing touch restored her to full health and well-being. Nathan felt a surge of gratitude for the child and realized he had never thanked the boy properly. He vowed to do so when he got back to Torrey.

  Yehala spoke again, drawing back Nathan’s attention. “Matthew is so heavily intoxicated with Quabin’s influence, the process of ridding him of Quabin’s influence so he can return to himself - to think and act as the Matthew we both know and love, takes time. A lot of time.”

  Nathan nodded slowly, feeling a great sadness envelope him. He looked down at the floor through a wavering ocean of tears. He had let his brother down. He wasn’t there to intervene when he first suspected Matthew had been contacted by one of Quabin’s agents that still roamed free. It was the only explanation, Nathan realized. He hadn’t done his job in properly guarding his brother.

  “I just want to see him...” Nathan said quietly, preparing himself to leave.

  “We will grant you one more visit,” he heard Nibilis say. Nathan looked up quickly, surprised. Yehala glanced at her with his brows raised also in surprise. She did not look at her companion, but leaned forward, looking intently at Nathan.

  “Go, see him one more time. Do what you can,” she instructed.

  Yehala shrugged and nodded at Nathan, “As the Lady says,” he agreed. Nathan rose. “Thank you,” he said quickly. Yehala and Nibilis also stood. Nathan stepped forward and clasped their hands one by one. “Thank you,” he repeated, hope surging through him. He was going to save Matthew. His brother would see him and realize the seriousness of his mistake and ask for his help in getting back to himself again. He would help Matthew and this time he’d be more diligent in helping him stay on track. He’d stick right by his side and guide him, he wouldn’t let him fail no matter what. Matthew and he would serve side by side. He’d drag his little brother up through the ranks of the Host if he had to, but he wouldn’t lose him no matter what this time.

  ***

  Nibilis looked at her husband when Nathan had left and exchanged a knowing glance before she laid her golden tablet on the table between them. Looking down at the tablet, they watched Nathan stride down the hallway outside their office, determined, and hopeful.

  “It will be a lesson to them both,” Nibilis said. Yehala nodded and reached over and took his wife’s hand. “You are smarter than me, love.”

  Nibilis took a deep breath. “Nonsense. We both love them. And it pains my heart to know the suffering they are going to have to endure before healing can take place. I pray that they can endure and remember the promises they made.”

  Yehala squeezed her hand. “I know, love. Be peaceful. I will send experienced Guardians to look after them and quietly offer assistance if they start to falter.”

  Nibilis smiled and nodded. “Let’s check on Matthew,” she suggested. Yehala nodded, and together they reache
d out towards the younger brother, feeling after his spirit. They had but briefly touched him before they had to quickly withdraw – the darkness inside in him was so great, it repelled even the gentlest of light the Principalities offered. Quabin had a tight grip on his heart, and Matthew wasn’t letting go of her.

  Chapter 6

  Entering Cafe Diablo was like stepping back in time for Julia as she followed Missy and Drogo inside. The last time she had been here was with Matthew. What seemed so long ago but was really only less than a year. Matthew - her reckless, fun-loving, handsome lover – her first true love ever. Even though she now had Nathan, sensible, caring, and sweet Nathan, her heart still ached for Matthew. It made no sense to her. Especially after everything Matthew had done to her. She just couldn’t forget the man she had met, the glimmer of his beautiful soul before he had taken on Quabin’s darkness. Somewhere in that darkness, her Matthew was still there. At least she hoped so. And she hoped that Nathan would be able to help him.

  Julia tried to brush all thoughts of Matthew aside, but as she sat down, she kept finding herself glancing at the small table by the window where she and Matthew usually ate dinner. Despite the horrific experience she had the last time she saw Matthew, she still felt a connection to him. She shook her head; it didn’t make sense to her that she could still have feelings for him and at the same time be in love with his brother. Drogo caught her eye. He had a thin smile for her. She scowled at him and turned her attention to the waiter who arrived to take their order.

  When the waiter departed with their food orders, Missy made a derisive comment and Drogo chortled. Julia missed the remark, but chuckled anyway as she fidgeted with her cutlery, still plagued with memories of Matthew. Why did she have to go and suggest this place to her friend and her demon boyfriend?

  Missy dominated the conversation as Julia nodded and tried to listen, but her thoughts kept sliding to Matthew and every time she glanced at the table by the window, she expected to see him there. Drogo kept sliding glances Julia’s way. His expression a mix of curiosity and amusement.

  “Mauve,” Missy said grabbing Julia’s arm, giggling. Julia blinked. Her thoughts racing back to the present trying to remember what Missy had been talking about, but she had no clue what the girl was referring to. Julia glanced at Drogo. She didn’t know why she thought the demon would help her out. He shrugged, looking as if he knew she hadn’t been paying attention at all and enjoying her discomfort. So Julia shrugged.

  Missy let go of Julia’s arm and shrugged as well, “Yeah, I don’t know either. Might be too.... soft for what I’m looking for. I want dramatic! Y’know?’ Just then the waiter arrived with their food and set the plates swiftly down before them. Missy lifted a fork of vegetables to eye level for inspection. She frowned and glanced over at Drogo, “What is this? I don’t even recognize this purple thing.” She pointed with her finger to the crinkled purple leaf hanging off her fork.

  “Cabbage,” Drogo and Julia said together. That made Missy laugh. She picked it off and dropped it on the plate. “No thanks!” Missy said, then leaned toward Julia, “Cabbage makes me fart.” Julia rolled her eyes. Drogo laughed. Julia wondered where Missy’s manner’s had gone. The girl was becoming less and less the cute, diminutive, soft spoken friend she had known since middle school and more brazen and loud mouthed. Julia met Drogo’s casual glance. Julia glared at him. His influence was warping her Missy. Julia looked away from Drogo’s arrogant grin as he read her thoughts. Missy was still talking about her salad. Drogo said something in a low tone that made Missy snort, but Julia had a hard time focusing on the conversation. Missy was becoming a stranger to her.

  Julia looked down at her plate and concentrated on just eating. It felt like time had slowed down. The world was moving around her but she felt so slow. Lifting the fork to her mouth was like watching a drop of dew linger on the tip of a leaf, waiting for an errant breeze to knock it loose.

  My sweet Nephilim, she heard Drogo’s voice intrude upon her thoughts. Julia’s head snapped up. Missy was gone. Drogo was looking at her intently, chewing slowly with the fork poised in his hand as if he was about to stab the last piece of rattlesnake on his plate.

  Where is your angel lover these days? His mouth did not move but she heard his voice clearly in her mind as if he had spoken it. Julia looked around for Missy, just in time to see her disappear into the ladies room across the room. Julia looked back at Drogo, defiantly.

  He left you, Drogo stated and smiled wickedly. Did he happen to mention the hordes of demons descending upon Torrey putting every mortal at risk? Thanks to you.

  Julia glanced out the window, not knowing why, as if she expected to see a stream of dark shadows filing past the window heading down Highway 24. As if demons would use the highway into town. Fallens used other paths and means of transportation, on land and in the air. She knew that. All too well.

  You’d be safer in L.A. under my care and protection, Drogo’s voice slid through her mind, like a faint thought, a suggestion. Julia squeezed her eyes shut. Nathan had said as much. He didn’t want her to stay in Torrey. Drogo’s suggestion seemed appealing.

  Almost.

  “I already know all this,” Julia muttered.

  I can hear your thoughts. Keep your tongue silent, Drogo chastened harshly. It made Julia flinch to hear and feel the intensity of his words so strongly in her mind.

  Fixing him with a baleful glare, Julia sent back heated disdain. Drogo lifted his chin and laughed – a sound that rung strangely in Julia’s ears, as if there were a whole legion of demon’s leering at her.

  Such power, Drogo purred. Keep feeding those feelings, Julia sweet. They will make you a force to contend with when the time comes.

  That only made her hatred for him burn hotter. She hated hearing him speak her name. That was only reserved for friends she loved. Everyone else called her JD. How dare he assume familiarity with her.

  Don’t forget sweet one, Drogo continued and drew in a deep breath as if enjoying the intensity of her anger towards him, I saved your life once before.

  That stopped her short. He had. At Christmas time, last year. From Matthew. Nathan had called on Drogo for his assistance. She remembered how Nathan took her home, tucked her into bed, and advised her to stay close to Missy and Drogo for safety. The irony. Julia shook herself just as Missy returned to the table.

  Missy started talking as if the conversation they had been having had never been interrupted by her bathroom break. Julia tried to follow along, but Drogo kept sending solicitous thoughts, images, hints of the favors he felt she owed him. Julia flashed him an angry look which only made Drogo grin. He was thoroughly enjoying her reactions.

  Lunch can’t end fast enough, Julia thought glumly.

  Chapter 7

  Matthew’s angry roars had quieted by the time Nathan returned to the prison hall. The pre-mortals allowed him entrance without a word. Stepping through the double doors flanked by the two pre-mortals, Nathan entered a narrow but bright hallway that led to a circular room. Twelve arched openings circled the room which was lit by a clear glass dome above. In the center of the room stood a young woman looking at her golden tablet propped on the slanted surface of a podium before her. She looked up, smiled at Nathan.

  “How may I help you?” she asked sweetly. She was not a pre-mortal like the guards outside the prison doors. Nathan could see the light of knowledge in her eyes and feel the strength of her power emanating from her and around her. She wore a pale green tunic that fell to the floor in shimmering puddles of delicate fabric. Her dress flattered her figure without suggesting anything more than her feminine form and grace. If there was one thing he had learned during his time in the world beyond the mortal realm, is that post-mortal women held immense power. Nathan could feel her divine influence permeate the room about him, a soft calming energy that he knew extended throughout the prison hall.

  “I’m here to see Matthew,” he said. His voice sounded unsteady to him and he coughed to clea
r it. The young woman, Steward of the Prison Hall, looked at her tablet, running her finger down the surface of the thin shiny device.

  “Yes. One moment,” she said softly, looking up at Nathan with a smile, her effervescent eyes sparkling. Within seconds, her consort appeared and strode toward Nathan. He was a very large man clothed in an knee length tunic, with a dark green sash around his waist. His feet were bare and white leggings ended at his ankles. Nathan craned his neck to look up at the man, also a post-mortal being, who easily towered over him by a foot. His face was impassive but his eyes were not unkindly and he glanced at the diminutive woman – his expression of love and devotion.

  “Room Eleven,” she told him with a kind smile.

  Her consort turned slightly to the right and motioned with an extended arm towards an arched doorway to their right that led down a corridor.

  Nathan took the lead with the giant angel close behind. The corridors of the Prison Hall were plain granite, with hints of grey flecks and silver. Nathan glanced at the first cell they passed. A number 1 above the first cell glittered in gold above the doorway. The first cell and every one that followed were bright and made from granite blocks on three sides with the fourth wall facing the corridor, made from thick crystal panels that shimmered along their edge with sparkling colors of the rainbow. Light from the celestial sphere of the sun flooded the rooms through skylights inside the cell was also made of cut crystal. Flecks of reflected rainbows were scattered along the walls both inside and outside the prison cells. There was a slight hum of energy that pulsed through the crystal barriers; a protective barrier.

  The first cell contained a motionless and beautiful young woman that stood in the center of the room, wrapped from neck to floor in a swath of deep orange fabric. Her hair was white-blonde and hung loose about her shoulders. She appeared to be asleep and quite peaceful. She would have passed for mortal, except for the second pair of arms that she wrapped about herself and a coil of a serpent’s tail around her feet.